I’ll admit, I was emotional this morning. I had shed a few tears, overwhelmed by something I don’t really know. In the past I would have used this as an excuse to not do any yoga and allow myself to wallow in the depths of my sadness, or whatever it was. Today I didn’t. I let myself sit and breathe, shed the tears, roll out the mat and tried my best to put my distracting thoughts away for the hour I was practicing. After savasana (corpse pose), I felt better. I even concentrated with my full heart hearing the closing prayer today. I was immediately proud of myself. Why? Well because I feel like I’ve grown after this one practice. I didn’t let myself use any excuse to stop myself from doing something that benefited me. I sucked it up and got over myself. Even in times of sadness and turmoil, people need to pick themselves whenever and wherever they can and try to live life.
Afterwards, I watched a cool Kino video and read an article about David Swenson and his journey into yoga. What I got from both posts was that yoga will find you, and when you are ready, things will come. I’ve been practicing on and off for a few years now, and am now finally falling in love with Ashtanga yoga. I would love to dwell on the past and what I could have done to get to where I am now, in terms of my practice and life in general. But I have to focus on the present and move forward. Don’t have doubt. The answers are there when I am ready for them.
Weeks ago, I was talking with a friend about “living in the present”, yoga, pictures, paths, … sort of what you are talking about lately. We also talked about people who had a true impact in your life, who left a mark. There was this guy, we were sailing, it was a sunny day, we were drinking vodka with lemon, lying in the sun, talking, just “being”. And he said something: there are people who will never experience a moment like this, either because they can`t or because they can but aren`t able to enjoy it. As you can read, it was not exactly a breakthrough. It was a simple thought. But it changed me for good. Because every time I experienced a moment like that, his words came back to my mind and every time I take a picture, a picture of “a moment”, whatever it is, I do it because I want to share with those who can`t or can but are unable to enjoy by themselves, that moment. Every picture is a memory and has a feeling attached. And yes, the clue is to live the present time. Because every time I can do it, I realize that if I were able to live like this every day, my life would be better. Then I try. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. But I try. And you are trying too. I´m sure that in time we´ll succeed more than we fail.
That’s a great story. I was really debating whether or not to post this, but reading your comment made me smile. I think the more we live in the present, the less we think about the regrets of the past. And I believe that is the key to happiness.
My yoga mat has been a good place for meditation. I haven’t been practicing regularly, and probably not at all since October, but believe me, I’ve cried in quite a lot of yoga rooms!
I’m finding that using matras before and after yoga helps me a lot, which I suppose can be meditation in some way. And what is with people crying on yoga mats? I’ve read quite a few posts where people do that.
It is interesting to see how you manage to get better after doing your yoga practice, Sarah. I am wanting to start and reading your words is telling me I am on the right path.
Thank you for sharing
Anyes – Thank you for the kind words. When I started (I think like most people) it was more so I could find a way to exercise. The more I read blogs and books and just reflecting on how I feel, it’s become more than just that. Granted, I am very far away from studying the more spiritual side of it, but I know I’ll get more serious about that when I am ready. And congrats for starting! I suggest going on youtube and maybe finding some intro articles from Yoga Journal too. Keep me updated on your progress!
I will let you know for sure how it goes Sarah, I am starting with going back to daily walks…just to get my muscles looser and then will take the jump into my first lesson
I think we’re forever moving through a “push and pull” with our practices and we move ahead when we’re ready to, there’s no doubt about that. There are times we ache for the mat and other days (sometimes weeks or even months) when we’d rather do anything but practice. There are times when the spiritual element speaks to us and we can get lost in it, and others when the idea of pranayama, chakras, subtle bodies and the like is too much to bear.
I think compassion is at the heart of the whole tradition; accepting how we’re feeling on any given day and honouring whatever has come up. The important thing is not being overwhelmed by any particular feeling/event/occurrence and allowing it to stop us from doing the very things (yoga anyone?) that have the capacity to heal, lift up or provide a different perspective, even if it’s just for a moment.
It’s one hell of a journey. The number of times I’ve walked away from my ashtanga practice to only come back to it at a later date all sheepish and armed with more knowledge is borderline embarrassing. But it’s a process, no?
(My musings about my sordid relationship with yoga last year: http://tea.empresschic.com/2012/02/love-actually-or-how-i-got-my-18-year-old-thighs-back/)
I loved this comment. It’s basically saying what I want to say! I have to admit I’ve walked away from the practice once, only to come back a bit more enthusiastic about it. They say Ashtanga is not easy. But then again, are easy things worth having?
By the way, I noticed you are lactose intolerant and a Canadian to boot! Yay for us!
Exactly. We need to just keep finding a way to get back on the mat and continuing the journey. That’s what I tell myself at least and it’s worked so far. Crazy, stupid, love for ashtanga.
Also, YAY for dairy-shunning Canadians! I love it when ‘Intolerants’ unite the world over.
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